


A Spot of Bother

by Summertime_Queen



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Are they friends? Are they husbands? You decide!, Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Pre-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 01:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19937746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Summertime_Queen/pseuds/Summertime_Queen
Summary: You see, back in the beginning, Crowley (or Crawly) had chosen the earthly form of a large snake in order to bring about Armageddon and the triumph of Hell (back when that seemed like a good idea). It was a job he had taken very seriously, but once he'd completed his first task (giving the terrifying power of knowledge to Adam and Eve) he quickly realised that being a snake probably wasn't the most practical idea he had ever had and created himself a much more human-like form. Snakes don't have opposable thumbs and those come in very handy. Also, humans had a tendency to fear snakes for some ineffable reason. Especially, large black venomous looking buggers basking in St James Park which is decidedly not their natural habitat. Crowley normally took great care to conceal his reptilian side, but when he gets too comfortable he finds himself a bit more serpentine than usual...





	A Spot of Bother

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick misadventure set sometime before the Apoco-No-Thanks.

Crowley was in a spot of bother.

It was a glorious, summers day; the afternoon sun hung lazily in the cloudless sky, the sweet scent of geraniums danced along the gentle breeze. The demon had been doing a spot of tempting (that man with a wondering eye wasn't about to doom his own marriage! (Well he was - the whole marriage had been a sham from the start but they just needed that final push, which ended with him in the lake and her storming off back to her parents house)) when the suns own temptation became too much for him and Crowley found himself relaxing on the grass, listening to the sounds of children's laughter, quacks of the ducks teaching their young which suited types yielded the best bread, and the buzzing of tiny insects busy pollinating the flowerbeds. He closed his eyes for a moment and felt so wonderfully calm and at peace with everything - in this moment, nothing really mattered.

The shrill sound of screaming woke him up, whilst the heel of a wet foot knocked him back out.

It was when he arose again that he found himself in a spot of bother.

You see, back in the beginning, Crowley (or Crawly) had chosen the earthly form of a large snake in order to bring about Armageddon and the triumph of Hell (back when that seemed like a good idea). It was a job he had taken very seriously, but once he'd completed his first task (giving the terrifying power of knowledge to Adam and Eve) he quickly realised that being a snake probably wasn't the most practical idea he had ever had and created himself a much more human-like form. Snakes don't have opposable thumbs and those come in very handy. Also, humans had a tendency to fear snakes for some ineffable reason. Especially, large black venomous looking buggers basking in St James Park which is decidedly not their natural habitat. Crowley normally took great care to conceal his reptilian side, but when he gets too comfortable he finds himself a bit more serpentine than usual.

Still very dazed and confused, Crowley took a good minute to figure out what was going on. He was happy to report that he was still alive (well, as alive as he usually was), and after some minor difficulty wriggling his fingers and toes, he realised he was in snake form. After nearly knocking himself out again, he realised he was behind a glass barrier; inside a vivarium of sorts.

The slithering demon kept still for a moment whilst he tried to plan his next move (everything was still very blurry and his head ached something awful). The tank he was in was too small for him to transform back into a human to casually saunter out like he owned the place, and he hadn't the concentration power to understand how the vivarium door worked well enough to be able to slip out, even with a minor miracle.

_'Damned non-opposable thumbssss!'_ He hissed angrily to no one in particular, promising to never take them for granted again. By now, his vision had mostly come back, and with it the sudden realisation that he could hear voices - not just the usual ones anyway.

"No, no, no I am so sorry! He somehow escaped whilst I was cleaning his, er, cage and I am most apologetic!" It was a voice that could have been backed by a chorus of angels and a shaft of heavenly light. This was not far off the truth as the Principality Aziraphale bumbled into view, along with two other figures who seemed less than impressed; wearing matching blue overalls and hats with a picture of a dead rat on it.

"You know these things are dangerous - I'm not even sure owning one this big is even legal." One huffed, the other nodding emphatically in agreement. "Barely had a viv big enough for it."

"Destroys the local wildlife if they get out you see." He added, grabbing a set of keys from his belt. "Eating birds and things. You're lucky we could catch it safely. The guy that found it was 'bout ready to stamp it to hell but our vet said he's probably okay". (The veterinarian had written the exact words 'probably okay' in his report after being unable to make heads nor tails of the conflicting results of his examination of the large reptile. Instead, he decided the safest option was to just not be there by the time the owner arrived. This was a good thing, as if a veterinarian with an actual qualification in veterinary science had examined Crowley, there would have been too many questions for the Angel to answer satisfactorily.)

"I'm very grateful for your hard work." Aziraphale's smile did not quite reach his eyes, but he beamed nonetheless. "I appreciate you both, greatly."

"Was a weird bloke anyway." The second pest controller continued as he fiddled with the lock of the vivarium. "Was soaked- what is wrong with this bloody key?" He pulled it out and inspected it. The first one pulled at the tank's sliding door which opened without issue.

"You idiot you didn't even lock it!" He clipped the ear of his colleague, knocking his hat.

"I swear I did!"

"Don't matter now." He shrugged. "There you go Mr. Fell, I assume you have your own transport container?"

"Oh I won't be requiring one of those, he's rather friendly and well behaved when he's not terrorising the locals." The Angel winked as he carefully removed his friend from his temporary prison and wrapped him around his shoulders. "Good day kind sirs, God bless you both." He nodded and turned to leave. The snake lifted his head towards the two pest controllers and bid them a _'thankssssss'_ as he was carried to safety by his guardian angel, before coiling closer to the warmth of Aziraphales neck. Both pest controllers looked at each other open mouthed for a moment before resolving to close early and hit the nearest pub. It had been a long day.

There was a small alley filled with skips and boxes next to the building which Aziraphale ducked into before removing Crowley from his person, placing him carefully on the ground. His tail had barely touched the concrete before they morphed into shoes, followed by the rest of Crowleys human form. He yawned, clicked his neck and knuckles gingerly, and pulled out a pair of sunglasses from his jacket pocket.

"Cheers, angel." He smirked, covering his amber eyes and tucking a very opposable thumb into an empty belt loop. "I owe you one. How did you know I was there?"

"I could practically hear the screaming from the shop." Aziraphale replied. "Not every day a giant snake just appears in the middle of London. Luckily, when they do, they're apparently usually an escaped pet and can be reclaimed rather easily - if the finders are amenable to my suggestions." He added, thoughtfully. Crowley loved the devilish streak the angel had, and loved it even more when it came to keeping them both out of trouble. The two of them began to walk through the alley and head towards nowhere in particular.

"Makes a change though." Crowley mused. "You saving me. Usually it's me swooping in to save the day."

"Yes well." Aziraphale chuckled. "I'm glad I could return the favour." They walked on for a moment in comfortable silence. "I didn't realise you were back in London?"

"Only for a couple of days - I'm on my way down south for a bit." Crowley looked over at the Angel who was pointedly not looking back. "I was planning on popping by this evening actually, how's the shop?"

"It's good! I recently came into possession of the first written instance of-"

"Sold anything lately?"

"What?" Aziraphale was put off by the interruption. "Oh, well, I sold a..." he thought for a moment, "a key-ring, I think, the other day." Crowley chuckled - Aziraphale would never change. "That being said, we never did finish that case of brandy I brought back from Normandy." He said, a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh we can't have that, can we?" Crowley grinned. "Lead the way, angel!"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! 
> 
> Let me know if you have any feedback or prompts you'd like me to explore :)


End file.
